Ultimate Guide: 10 Tips for the Clueless, Yet Well-Intentioned Groom-to-Be.
Looking for the Ultimate Groom’s Guide?
There’s no silver bullet, but if you’re searching for a few tips to get you out of hot water, search no further.
Face it, she’s the bride, and she’s on edge. She doesn’t mean to be…well, mean. This is only the single most important event of her entire adult life. You want to please her, but everything you say ends up getting you in trouble.
Relax, we’ve got you covered. Here are 10 tips, including a talk track for you to get her back in her good graces and out of the dog house!
1. Give Up Control – It’s her big day, not yours.
You haven’t been dreaming of your wedding day for your entire life. She, on the other hand, has been. So get over it. You can spend the next 40 years arguing over the remote control, but for now, let her have the table setting or invitation font that she demands. Here’s your Ultimate Groom’s Guide talk track:
THINGS TO SAY: “If you love it, let’s go for it.” “You deserve it.”
THINGS NOT TO SAY: “Whatever.” “I really don’t like it.”
2. Care – or REALLY make it seem like you do.
Giving up control is different than not caring. Whatever you do, don’t say “I don’t care.” Have opinions, offer to be involved, volunteer to do the heavy lifting (think dj speakers, or table/chair configurations). Most likely, she will tell you she has it all under control, but the offer will go a long way. WARNING: when you have opinions, offer them, but give your bride what she wants (seriously, do you really care what color the napkins are?). Here’s your Ultimate Groom’s Guide talk track:
THINGS TO SAY: “I can do that!” “This looks like a great venue. What do you think?”
THINGS NOT TO SAY: “It doesn’t matter.” “What were we talking about?”
3. Don’t Stress about Outrageous Prices for Hair and Makeup.
She will want to spend a ridiculously astronomical amount of money on her hair and makeup for four measly hours. Let her. Sure, it may seem like a lot of money to you, but she’s going to be looking at those photos for the next 40 years. So when you divide the total amount by 40 and think of it as an annual cost, it seems quite reasonable. And, she’ll love you for not giving you a hard time. You got this. Here’s your Ultimate Groom’s Guide talk track:
THINGS TO SAY: “If it’s important to you, then it’s worth it.” “Makes sense to me!”
THINGS NOT TO SAY: “It costs WHAAAAT? “It’s not worth it, you look great without makeup.”
4. Keep Your Mother Away from Your Bride.
This seems like an obvious one, but you’d be amazed at how many times we need to remind our grooms: Your Mother is Not In Charge. She will be getting so much wedding advice, her head will be spinning. She doesn’t need to feel judged by yet another person. Be the buffer she needs between your well-intentioned mother-of-the-groom and your betrothed. Tell your mother that her opinion is really important, but ultimately the decisions will be made by you two, and that’s the way it should be. She’ll understand. Here’s your Ultimate Groom’s Guide talk track:
THINGS TO SAY: “Mom will like whatever you like.” “She actually told me she here to help, but wants to stay out of our way.”
THINGS NOT TO SAY: “I think we should ask my mom.” “My mother hates purple.”
5. Do Something Romantic. (Ultimate Groom’s Guide Favorite!)
This is such a fun one – and so often overlooked by our grooms. A little romance goes a long way. There are so many ways to show her you really care about her. Leave a love note in her purse. Light a candle and draw a bath. Get her a little gift when she least expects it. Make her dinner. Write her a silly love poem. Make her a Spotify mix. Surprise her after work, whisk her to a favorite activity. Leave her a note (bonus: scavenger hunt) written backwards that she needs to decode in the mirror. Write her name vertically and use the letters to describe flattering things about her. Do one of these things, and she’ll never forget it. Here’s your Ultimate Groom’s Guide talk track:
6. Spend Time on your Vows and/or Reception Speech.
Don’t blow this off. Don’t procrastinate. And do NOT pull an all-nighter the night before. This might be the most important thing she’s ever heard from you (no pressure) and she’ll remember it for the rest of her life. Write from the heart. If you’re a terrible writer, grab a friend, sister, uncle, whoever. Talk to them about your fiancé, how you met, all the things you love about her, and record your conversation. From there you can transcribe the worthy soundbites and you’ll come up with something that comes from the heart. Also, there are plenty of resources online to give you a head start. Here’s your Ultimate Groom’s Guide talk track:
THINGS TO SAY: “I know it’s a month away, but I want to get working on my vows.”
THINGS NOT TO SAY: “I found this great speech online, it’s perfect.”
7. Curb your Sarcasm.
Sarcasm will get you nowhere with your bride. Be nice. Be funny, but not at her expense. Even if you think it’s the funniest thing. If it’s not 100% complimentary and flattering, don’t say it. Oh, and don’t just curb your sarcasm, have strong words with your best man about his. Anything he says is a reflection on you. Her nerves are at an all time high. She’s not in the mood. Trust me. Here’s your Ultimate Groom’s Guide talk track:
THINGS TO SAY: “You look beautiful today.” (to your sarcastic friend) “Dude, that’s not cool.”
THINGS NOT TO SAY: “Love is blind. But marriage is an eye-opener.” (…or any joke of this kind. Sorry to be a buzz kill. You’ll thank me later.)
8. Do the Boring Stuff
Check the Licensing Laws in your State. Make sure your passports are up to date if you’re honeymooning abroad. Order any visas you might need. Offer to help with any name changes, bank accounts, drivers licenses, etc. You’ll be expected (and most likely rewarded) for dealing with all the administrative (read: mind-numbing) stuff, and leave her to selecting the band and floral decorations.
9. Have a Backbone (with some things).
Despite our advice in number one, it’s ok to stand up for what you want on some elements of your wedding. With the registry, you’ll be using those steak knives for the rest of your life – you should love them.
10. Notice What She Hates Doing – and Do That!
Each bride is different. Some of our brides at Milton Ridge love doing the seating arrangements; others despise it. Some love budgeting and spreadsheets; for others it gives them hives. Pay attention to your bride. What does she enjoy doing? And, what stresses her out? If you can help with – or better yet, take over – the things that make her crazy, she’ll truly appreciate it and appreciate you. If she’s completely stressed out and hit a wall with planning, and that’s not your thing either, hire a wedding planner. It’ll save you both in therapy bills in the future.
Have fun with this list. What you’re doing is making your bride happy. And as the saying goes – happy wife, happy life! What other tips or comments do you have for grooms on having a successful wedding planning period? Put them in the comments below.
Do you need help with planning your wedding or making your bride beam with happiness? Our experts at Milton Ridge can help!